Perceptions

So I'm not in Canada for Thanksgiving - big deal. Wanna fight about it?

Yes, I had these huge romantic plans to make a lovely little trip up to beaut-i-ful DOWNTOWN MONTREAL!! (said like a game show emcee), get a quaint room at a bed and breakfast just big enough for two, explore the city by day and candlelit dinners and whisper sweet nothings at night. I was going to woo Israel into my web and make sure our two hodgepodge lifes blend into one beautiful piece of art.

I don't know where he is.

I didn't romanticize and project something that wasn't there, did I? That's so unlike me!!!

Actually, I'm usually very pragmatic. Unitarianism, financially conservative (now), socially practical. So while it really isn't unlike me to plan my future out on a whim and a wing (how does that phrase go? ), it is unlike me to not have complete control of how to get to that future.

Don't get me wrong-the end of the Earth for Israel and all that - I mean, he is there on a business (of some sort) trip, and is staying in what sounds like a frat house. I have no idea how long he is going to be there (2 weeks? 2 months? 2 decades?) so maybe I just need to keep with the flow and just keep romance at a distance. I think he has similar feelings towards me, or I'm led to believe. Or he's a big fat sadist fucker.

So I'm having the downstairs lesbians for Thanksgiving instead. I know what I said. Maybe this other guy that I'm quasi-romancing, too, if his other plans fall through.

Yesterday, I'm talking to this pal. He's a big guy- tall and muscular and German. Now, a couple of months ago, someone saw us together and asked if we were related. Which is funny, because while I am of European descent, I am neither tall and arguably, not muscular. I say toned. So yesterday I see him and remind him of how similar we are to that lady.

"Yeah, like the movie 'Twins!'" he says.

Now, obviously I am not the Arnold Schwarzeneggar in this simile. Which means I am being compared to Danny DeVito. What?!?! Really? People look at me and think I look like a hedgehog? Because that's what Danny DeVito looks like - a humanized hedgehog. Actually, even a hedgehog-ized hedgehog. He looks like a hedgehog. Big fat hairy smelly squinty-eyed hedgehog.

I mean, he could have said Mini-me. Or the movie 'Stuck on You,' with Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear. But no - he had to pick the ugliest, most repulsive, hedgehogiest human being ever and compare him to me. Thanks for the reality check. Tastes like chicken. I wish these people would stop serving me chicken.