Lowest of the Low

I remember one day when I was still living at home - I must have been 18 or so - and my mother stopped me at the door.

"You're not going out of the house like that!"

I was wearing one of my favorite blue plaid shirts, button-down short sleeved and very traditional casual - sort of a Hollister style, if Hollister actually existed back then in 1936.

Except it was torn in the back. Not a huge tear; it was just enough a vertical slice going from the tail to just above where the pants waist was, so a scintilla of flesh was exposed just above the belt.

"What's the big deal?!"

"No son of mine is going out like that! You are going to take that shirt off THIS INSTANT!!!"

She was mortified. I couldn't believe her reaction was so great as to this infinitesimal jot of skin on my back.

I met overreaction with overreaction., naturally.

"FINE! YOU CAN HAVE THE FUCKING SHIRT!!"

And I grabbed the shirt over each pectoral, and I ripped it, scattering the buttons and completing the tear up the back, so that I ended up with the shirt in half in both hands. It was very David Banner, except for the fact that I was probably 100 pounds. I threw the shirt on the ground and ran to my bedroom and slammed the door -- I was very much the teenager. (The pisser is that I cut off my nose to spite my face - I loved that shirt!)

I said right then and there that I would never do that - everyone has his or her own style, and he or she has every right to express their taste and individuality, as long as it isn't obscene or illegal. I knew at this point I would never be a father, but I would be the favorite uncle or bestest godfather, and my wards would surround me and say I was the coolest adult ever! because I allow free thinking and would never cater to societal norms like every other grownup.

Cut to now: what in God's name is up with these guys wearing their pants below their asses?! Has everyone seen this? What the hell is that?! I hope it's regional, but upon doing some research, it seems not the case.

A slight 'pant sag' in the kids these days isn't that bad - in fact, I think it sort of has a aura of masculinity about it. But NOW! the pants are worn below the cheeks nd its just plain stupid and detrimental to one's day-to-day life. Why would you want to walk like that? And here in NY, we're all taking stairs up and down to the subways - can you imagine going up the stairs with your pants around your thighs? What is wrong with you people?!

It seems this whole thing started in prison, of all things, because belts aren't allowed, so it was commonplace to have your pants hang low. Then, when they came out of prison, they continued the 'style' to show their street cred.

And now, I see nice guys - good, hard-working, non-street cred 20-somethings wearing their pants like the village idiot.

And how are their kids going to learn to walk? Are all the infants now going to start emulating these guys when they learn to walk, so that even after this fad goes away, the teenagers in 15 years will still be walking like a penguin carrying his egg? Good Lord I hope I'm dead if that's the case.

Hold on- I just found a website saying the same thing I am: http://www.angrywhitedude.com/. This extremist right wing zealot is ranting about a guy that shot himself dead due to a loaded gun being carried in his sagging pants. One response to his beef is "I hope you're not encouraging people to carry unloaded weapons! You need two hands to load a gun, particularly a glock, and women would be particularly vulnerable."

I changed my mind.