Rotten Sex

So this morning I'm eating an orange, and I start choking. Not just a cough type choke, but the air passage blocked, no ability to breathe, total Heimlich time. I had to reach into my throat and pull that skin-membrane stuff out in order not to die. And my roommate is out of town, so in the worst case scenario (subjective), I could have been dead and lying there for days.

The theory of gravity was developed by Newton watching an apple fall. The wheel was invented by cavemen observing a boulder roll down a mountain. Archimedes figured out volume from getting in his tub. Bob discovered the purpose of sex by choking on an orange.

So maybe the purpose of sex isn't for procreation. I think that's pretty much disproved by gay people. And that sex doesn't necessarily make babies. Maybe pregnancy is just a side effect of sex, like drowsiness or nausea.

And maybe its not for recreation. Lord knows there is such thing as unfun sex. Did you know that there is a fetish where people want you to puke on them?! It's called 'emetophilia.'

Maybe sex is so we don't have rotting corpses all over the place.

If you think about it, it makes sense. If we're sexually and monogamously active, you have someone out there who is going to notice you're missing before your decaying body starts to become a nuisance. If you die. Even if it's just your jump-off (if you don't know what that is, look it up or figure it out) and there's not really any connection other than physical, that person(s) is gonna get the urge within the next couple of days and look for you. They (or their genitals) is gonna seek you out and find your dead body laying in the kitchen with a half-eaten orange in one hand and orange membrane sticking out of your mouth. IF you die.

So sex is like the urbanized version of the vulture. Or maggots. Like these scavengers, sex prevents decaying flesh from littering our streets and polluting the air. That's the Republicans' job.

And you always hear these stories about the spinster that was found in her (or his) house after laying there dead for like days or weeks. Do you think these people were getting nookie before they keeled? I don't.

Where did Einstein publish his theories? I got one for 'em.